Addie’s Random Ramblings

When I bought a microwave for the first time, it came with a manual. When I bought a new kettle, it came with a manual. Even our new caravan that is not so new has a manual. Then why, for pete’s sake, did I not get a manual the day I got my children. A parent’s manual for raising children is the most important manual ever … one for every child, cos they are all different even thought they are classified as children. But for some reason unknown to me, I was not given that manual. I only needed to read the microwave manual the first time I bought a microwave.. When I replaced the microwave I did not need a manual cos I knew how to operate a microwave. But the manufacturers still saw it fit to send me a manual. Why was I not given a manual when my son was born and anothe one when my daughter was born?

Just when I think I have it, it all changes. Why am I in a constant struggle with the hows and the whats of parenting? Somehow I seem to miss the mark all the time. Yes, and I am now at my wits end. What am I doing wrong? Or what am I not doing at all? Why am I not winning this battle? If I am such a good parent, then why is my big boy always on the wrong side of the social and behaviour fence?????

You major too much on the minor!!! That what Caleb’s school principle said to Daddy and I as we sat in his office for the dreaded meeting that was scheduled a few weeks ago. Well, he didn’t say it in so much words but clear enough for us to hear that! I can imagine my mommy’s comments as she reads this … “ek het julle mos gesê” (but didn’t I say that all along). (more…)

Yes, the saga continues. The dreaded call from the Master of Discipline eventually came through. On Friday hubby got a call from the school requesting our presence in the principle’s office on Monday afternoon. I am so embarrased! This is the second time we have been summoned to the principle’s office to discuss my son’s behavioural issues!!!!! The only difference this time around is that our son should accompany us. This is only our son’s second year at school … yes, only his second year!!! The first time my principle only threatened to call my parents for my behaviour was when I was in grade 10 already. And my hubby can’t even recall being even summonded to the principle’s office!!! So where does my son get his terrible behavioural issues from? It’s a scary thought.  And that’s not all … On Thursday they all watched a video in class, something in line with their theme for the week. At the end of the movie, my son (my son again) stood up in front of his classmates (all three classes of them) and said at the top of his voice … “this was a boring movie!!!” Why does he do things like that? And yes, I got a note to the regard in his homework diary that day …. I am not looking forward to Monday afternoon, that’s for sure!!!!

Yesterday wasn’t such a good day for me as a mom … I have mentioned this before in a previous post. I feel so pressurised at the report back I get from school concerning Caleb’s behaviour. He is always getting into trouble for stupid things.  I blame myself cos as a parent I feel I am doing something wrong and it reflects in his behaviour. Caleb is always getting into trouble for talking in class, disrupting the teacher or disturbing the children in his group. Irrespective of tall hat he doesn’t lag behind in his school work. On the contrary he is does very well acadamically. But the behaviour issue is a damp squirt on all that achievements.

Last year he had four dots on a ladybug which were taken off one at a time depending on the “offence”. This year he has a tree with only three apples on them … so the demerits goes faster and punishment comes swifter … punishment is usually detention. Caleb has been for detention 4 times already … yesterday being the worst!!! And we only in the first term of school.  In the computer lesson Caleb remarked loudly that the teacher’s drawing looked funny. The whole class burst out laughing and Caleb instantly lost all three apples from his tree. He had to take them off himself.  I felt very embarred when I got news of what had happened in the class as I can imagine how the teacher must have felt, being the joke of 7 year old children.

That is what happens around Caleb … always drawing attention to himself and getting into trouble for it. Sometimes he answers the questions asked of other children in the class - he does that at home as well. If I ask Chloe something, Caleb answers before Chloe even heard the question. He is always quick to defend himself … in his mind he isn’t doing anything wrong, just trying to help.  And when we “chat” about his behaviour he always assures that … “I do try very hard, mommy!!!”  Will this ever change? Or will it get worse with time?

I am not sure if this is gonna sounds like I am moaning … well, maybe I am. We have already come to the conclusion that parenting isn’t easy. But I am becoming more and more concerned about my own parenting style. I keep asking myself whether I am doing it the right way. Is there something I am missing for things to keep coming back to me (us) like this.

Both daddy and I believe in the principles set in the Bible concerning raising a child (… spare the rod and spoil the child … ). We punish when punishment is due and we reward when it is deserved. Punishment can take the form of time out, taking away priviledges and in some cases giving a hiding/spanking/smack … call it whatever you want to. When a hiding is due, the process is normally a “long” one; whoever gives the hiding will explain to the child why he/she is gonna get a hiding and how many smacks he/she will get. Afterwards whoever gave the hiding will spend some time giving the child reassurances and in MOST cases (should probably happen in all cases) pray with the child. The important thing is that after all is said and done we need to make sure the atmosphere is cleared up. The sooner the better. In our home, one case that deserves a spanking is when one tells a a lie. We have tried to make the kids aware of what a lie is and why it is wrong to tell a lie.

Well, lately lies have been told once too often, even when a hiding was given. My son lied to us about his merits/demerits at school because (according to him) he wanted a reward for good behaviour. He was hoping that if we didn’t find out about the lie, we would reward him. (I actually did reward him … but read on.) According to the school’s reward system, if a child receives 10 or more stars for good behavouir and the like, they get to take home a reward slip. This slip allows them to wear civvies (no uniform) to school on the Friday. For the whole of last week our son assured us that he was not losing any dots (demerits) at school. The school (usually the class teacher) will only inform us about demerits if it is very serious … lik losing all 4 dots which results in detention during second break. But come the end of the week - no reward slip. My son did not receive the reward slip as we expected!!! We rewarded him with a small “gift” … before we questioned the fact that he didn’t come home with a reward slip from school. We subsequently found out that he lied to us… about not losing dots. Only when we queried this, did he own up to his tricks … UHG!!!I took back the “reward” because our son needed to understand that by right he did not deserve it …

The whole point is … I am questioning myself. Have I failed my son? Have I set too high expectation for him? Why was it so easy for him to tell a lie and get away with it for an entire week? Why didn’t I detect that he was telling lies? And I have a great fear that this can become a bigger problem in the future. How did I deal with lies in the past? Was it the right way? If it was the right way … why did it still happen? If I didn’t deal with it the right way, then what is the right way.